冴希さやか～

           “Natsume-san, You’ve been working so hard these years”

           My boss, a 53 years old man who still looks like a 32 with that suit he wears.

“Really? Thanks for that”

“No, I’m the one who should say that. We earned a huge increase lately because of your work”

“Ahahaha, It’s really my pleasure to get compliment from my own boss”

“How about you take some days off? You know, It’s near the day”

Right, It’s been almost 2 years since Touko-san passed away because of her heart’s condition.

“I’ll take that offer then”

…

Fresh air that I can’t smell and a huge green view that I can’t see in the city. I missed this a lot. Walking to Shigeru-san’s… No, it’s my house and Fujiwara is now my family though I still use the name Natsume. I just don’t want to forget my real family.

Nyanko-sensei is now a guardian of the Fujiwara family. Still I used my Yuujinchou as a bait to make sensei to do the whole job. Despite of his age, her personality sometimes looks like a dumbass kid.

“Oyo, Natsume, welcome home” Said sensei when he arrived at home. I can guess he's from sake party with his youkai's friends.

“I’m home-sensei. Where’s Shigeru-san?”

I’ve been looking for Shigeru-san in every place of the house but still can't find him.

“He told that he wanted to visit Touko-san’s grave 5 minutes ago”

"Wait, he can't see you, right? How do you know that?"

"Oh no, Natsume. I mean, he often talking to himself since Touko passed away"

“So, that's what happened. Ah right, want to go with me, sensei?”

“Not bad I think, but don’t have the wrong mind! I just want to drink sake near the cemetery”

"Eh? I thought you just got back from your sake party"

"Dumbass! Don't stereotype me likr that! I just got back from enjoying the scenery on the cliff where we see that giant youkai, don't you remember?"

"Ah, Now I remember. And I also just remember that there’s a sake spring right there. Isn’t it sound weird? I believe that water springs really existed but this is sake!”

“Ayakashi’s the one who take the job”

“Now it makes sense”

Sensei turns into a big fluffy ball and hop onto my right shoulder like always. It's been years since I feel his fluffy body on my shoulder.

“You sure don’t want to take a rest for a while first?” Ask sensei.

“I’m fine. At least I want to greet Touko-san first”

“She’s dead now. I just can’t understand human having such a short period of lifetime, aren’t they? Reminds me of Reiko who I haven’t met for such a time and then when I finally sniffed her smell, you came out saying she’s already dead”

“Ahahah, but thanks to youkai so that I can know my grandma better. She’s kind of person who doesn’t have friends, right? Just if I was born at the same age as her… You know? I love Reiko-san just through the stories from Youkai and it’s really hurt just to think that I can’t meet her. Hurt that I can’t meet the one I love just to stop her tears though I know Reiko-san never cried once in her life”

“Ah, Takashi-kun, want to greet Touko?”

“Shigeru-san! It’s been a while isn’t it?”

Shigeru-san suddenly hugged my body with small tears dripping down her face. He told how much he missed me.

“Good to see you in great shape. Anyway, I have to go back to make dinner for us, see ya! We’ll talk later!”

I immediately walk to Touko-san’s grave after Shigeru-san went back home.

“Touko-san, I’m back. I’m good now with my job. I know you will break my statement in no time when hearing this but it all because of you, it all because of the Fujiwara family who supported me until finally being like this. I was really grateful to meet you that night. I’m really happy you two picked me up in that apartment. I can feel the warmth that I’ve been looking for years”

“Natsume, you feel something?”

“Huh?”

“Right there, inside the woods”

“Sorry sensei, my vision is now blurry to see youkai in my age”

“You really almost lose that vision aren’t you? It’s faster than I thought”

“So, what’d you see right there?”

“Nah, maybe just my imagination or something but I swear really smelled an ayakashi’s presence. I don’t know what exactly there is remember that I never stepped my feet even once in that place”

“Shall we go back? We can ask to another youkai later. I have to help Shigeru-san to make dinner for us.”

After dinner, I and Shigeru-san talked about Touko-san for an hour. Remembering how we live those days. And we finally separated to sleep in each room.

“Oh, Hiiragi, you’re here! That means Natori-san is here too, right?”

“No, I’m free now. He told me to guard you start from now”

“What is this sudden?”

“Natori-san’s vision against ayakashi is now completely blind. His last wish is for me to make you as my new master”

“Ahaha, though in a few months or years I will be unable to see you too?”

“You have Yuujinchou with you, right?”

“Now I know. Anyway, where’s Nyanko-sensei?”

“Natsume! Natsume!”

“Nyanko-sensei, where’ve you been?”

Nyanko-sensei gets in through my room’s window as always.

“Hurry, follow me!”

“Calm down. What’s happened?”

“Hinoe starts disappearing!”

Nyanko-sensei turns into a big beast madara and bring me and Hiiragi to Hinoe’s place. She’s really started disappearing. Hitotsume, Ushikao, and Misuzu are already there.

“Hinoe! What is happening to you?”

“Ara Natsume, It’s been a while”

Her appearance is not just the same as always. Purple kimono and that beautiful hair I can recognize.

“The only one who pray for Hinoe-sama died from car accident”

“Tell me you’re not Tsuyukami, right?”

“We’re having the same faith right now, no word to deny it”

“Tell me this is a lie!”

“It’s not a kind of joke, Natsume-sama”

“It’s my time isn’t it? Thanks to you all who have wanted to accompany me everytime and thanks to Natsume, I had a really fun time playing with you back in those days. Now I think I will hand over the Ayakasi in that woods to you. This is my last wish. Goodbye!”

“Hinoe is now completely disappeared, from this world”

…

           It’s 7 in the morning. My first time waking up late after a few years. Hiiragi is already sitting beside me.

           “Good morning, Natsume”

“Oh, Hiiragi, morning! Where’s Nyanko-sensei once again?”

“He told me wanted to gather some informations about the ayakashi in the woods Hinoe said last night”

“She’s really disappearing, isn’t she?”

“Fact”

“Takashi-kun! If you’re up already, go down and eat your breakfast!”

Shigeru-san yelled from the first floor. Don’t want Shigeru-san to eat breakfast alone, I go down leaving Hiiragi in my room.

“The event will be held at 5, make sure to wear kimono, okay?”

“Ah, thanks for reminding me, Shigeru-san”

We’re no talk more than that. After breakfast, I’m the one who does the dishes and then back to my room.

“Chobi-hige!”

“Ah, Natsume-dono, It’s really been a while isn’t it?”

“Natsume, you really say that to everyone”

“Just leave it already! So, anything new?”

“Ah Natsume-dono! Madara-dono brought me here to talk about the ayakashi Hinoe-dono said last night. But I still can’t believe that Hinoe-dono is now disappeared from this world.”

“Perfect, tell me all you know”

“I don’t know this ayakashi’s name but I think she’s really important for Hinoe-dono”

“She? A woman ayakashi?”

“Yes, I saw everytime I pass through the way near that woods, I always see Hinoe. Sometimes, she sits above the tree’s branch, sometimes she just sits on the road while watching the woods. I wondered what is inside and found there’s an ayakashi right there”

“I thought I’ll have another burden to be chased by another annoying youkai”

“Maybe because I always see Hinoe that way, I also wanted to watch for that ayakashi. She never leaves that woods even once.”

“Interesting, how if we go there right now? I also want to spend my time waiting for 5 p.m to come”

“Natsume! Remember that your Yuujinchou is almost left out!”

“Calm, sensei. It doesn’t mean that her name was here, right? I promise will give this to you after I die. And Hiiragi, will you please go with me?”

“That’s my job, Natsume. I will definitely go with you everywhere”

We go to the woods near the cemetery. None of my friends are here because they already have their own job and are busy with their new family. Only Taki and Sasada who haven’t married yet. I wish happiness for both.

We stop in the woods entrance. It literally has no entrance anyway. We can see the ayakashi right there, sitting in front of a kind of small wooden log planted on the ground. I walked to her but then realized that the other youkai can’t go in. I think there's a kind of boundary which can’t let youkai go inside this woods. I wonder what it is.

“Hai, What are you doing here?”

“…”

That youkai just nod. She can’t talk? She’s a youkai with a cloth written Dama (黙) in kanji covering her eyes. Her clothes are all white yukata. Though her eyes are covered with that cloth, I can see she’s a beautiful youkai.

“Not trying to ask weird thing but, do you know Reiko? Natsume Reiko”

Since Reiko-san took all youkai’s name in this town, I just wondered if she also took her name. And she nods to me. Her name is really in the Yuujinchou.

“Do you want your name back?”

“…” She nods again.

“Natsume! Don’t dare to give any names again!!”

“Calm down Madara!”

“Madara-dono, please calm down!”

I don’t care how much I give youkai’s name back to them. This is my own book which I get from Reiko-san. This is a sign for me that I have another family beside the Natsume family and the Fujiwara family. Aso a sign to reminds me of Reiko-san.

I opened Yuujinchou to get her name.

“Natsume!!! Stop it!! You're gonna make my heartbeat stop!”

I can hear Nyanko-sensei crying right there. He’s a kind of fully dramatic youkai.

“I give you back your name, Sui!”

I blow the paper, her name to her. A word written in youkai’s character flying into her head. I can see her past.

…

I woke up in the middle of the woods. I know it’s not that kind of big woods but I can’t go outside. There’s a kind of boundary which won’t let me go out from this place.

I know I’m already dead. Even though I’ve been dead for a long time and my body disappeared from this world, I can know what time it is, what year it is right now and how long I’ve been dead. I woke up without knowing what happened to me before this.

When I tried to stand up for the first time, my head felt so hot and my vision was blurry. I think I’ve been sleeping for a long time too.

That time, I realized that I’m a new ayakashi who have duty to guard a relic beside me. It’s a small wooden log which has some kind of unique ornament on it and planted on the ground just in front of me. This relic’s area are not covered by tree’s shadow. It’s the only area which get a sunlight right through the ground. I‘ve never seen this relic before but I’m sure that I know right what this relic is.

Is the relic which maintains the balance of nature. Number of plants and animals are fully controlled by this relic. In simple terms, this relic determines when an animal should die and how much total amount of a new animal born in the current trees’ intensity.

Everyday I just sit around the relic and sometimes walk around to get fresh air. I’m all alone in this place with no one I can talk to. I even can’t see other ayakashi or maybe I just can’t see them. Slowly I forget how to talk, I can’t even move my mouth to make a sound. Everyday and night I spend the time totally alone. I’m just so lonely here guarding the relic.

One day I found a man standing up on the woods entrance looking at me and then bent down to greet me and then go away. He looks like a 40 years old man. Is he really able to see me? Or is it just a coincidence he prayed for the relic?

When I gave up thinking about him, he came out the next day and did it everyday. I also always wait for him until I can recognize her smell if he will come. Even if there’s a crowd walking past the woods entrance, I can smell if he’s right inside the crowds.

He’s the only one who fills my empty life. How could I say this, he looks like a hero for me. A hero who tried to expel a lonely curse out of my soul.

One day, he left a plate of food on the woods entrance and then walked away after bending her body like always.

“Fried rice?”

I’m not an ayakashi who can feel hunger. But I took the plate and tried to eat a bite.

“How can he know my favorite food when I’m still alive? It also tastes exactly the same with my mother’s”

My tears dripped down my face. Sadness and happiness mixed inside my heart. I just realized that maybe I fell in love with that man.

I tried to say thanks by putting stones on the plate. I put 3 small stones on the right side and other 9 small stones on the left side. If he receives my message, it reads 39 or sankyuu (Japanese word for number 3 and 9). In other words, it’s a thanks from me. I hope he understands what I did.

The next day he came and held the plate then bent down her body like always. His face looks far brighter now. I feel so happy knowing that he understands what I mean.

Once in every few days he left a plate of fried rice for me. I really wanted to talk with him, at least I want to know his name. But I can’t even step my feet out from this woods. Everytime I wanted to step out, I always threw back.

I hardly worked to find a way out of this place until one day I felt my heart really hurt. I saw on the woods entrance, a crowd carrying a coffin. I can smell him in those crowds, I’m so happy that time. I ran to the woods entrance and realized that the smell of the man was coming from inside the coffin.

“It just a joke isn’t it? Even I haven’t know his name and give a thanks in a proper way!” My tears dripped down my face again. It’s my fault that I won’t take a step forward earlier. I really wanted to meet him once more, I want to be beside him, telling our own stories, forever.

…

“Sui, this is your memory?”

“…” She nods

“I recognized her face, I saw his face once when I’m still a kid. I know him from my father”

She walks to me

“He’s Reiko-san’s father, Natsume Rei. He died when Reiko-san is still 5 years old”

She suddenly hugged me for a few minutes. I can smell her hair. Her hands that stroked my back are really soft.

She then stepped back and the cloth covering her face was falling down, I can see her face.

“It’s been a long time since the last time I saw you”

She acts like I’m Rei-san right now. I’m having the same blood with him in fact.

“It’s been a long time, Sui”

I gave out my hand to her, he took my hand and smiled. Her sweet smiles and tears feels like a happiness that she never had before. She starts disappearing slowly.

“Thanks for releasing me from this curse, Natsume Takashi”

She’s now completely disappearing to Rei-san’s place, talking with him about their own stories, forever.

The thing I learned is that love is not limited by what we are. Youkai or human, we can still share the same thing. Just like me. I love my grandma, Reik-san far better than anyone in this world though I know that my love is impossible.

…

           It’s 5 p.m and I’m ready to go to the cemetery with my kimono. A lot of people go out from their house, greeting me and going to the cemetery together.

           I stopped in front of Touko-san’s grave and talk to her.

           “Touko-san, I never told you this but I have a special vision which lets me see youkai in this world. I hate this at first but after meeting you I start to understand that It’s not bad at all. I was thinking what happened if I lose this vision, will I be lonely or will my life be in peace."

                I take a small breath and continue.

                "But when I was thinking about that, I found stories about Reiko-san from a lot of youkai here. And finally I thought that I’m grateful with this vision I have. I can live with the Fujiwara family, have a lot of youkai friends, and know my grandma better. I know this vision will disappear in maybe a few years or maybe just a few months. But at least I have memories I carry about them, they who always make me better in my bitter days.”

            “You done, Natsume?”

“Yeah, shall we go back home?”

Nyanko-sensei was waiting for me at the cemetery entrance.

“How many ayakashi’s names are left in yuujinchou?”

“Calm down, sensei. It has more than 100 names in it.”

“I will eat you next time you give back another name”

“Ahaha, you can’t break your own rule, sensei!”

“NATSUMEEE!!!!”

ー 終わり ー

Note:

1. Giant Youkai - You can read chapter Special 04 on the 5th Volume or watch 13th episode of the first season Natsume Yuujinchou anime.

2. Tsuyukami - You can read the manga on chapter 2 or the 2nd episode of Natsume Yuujinchou anime